Star Fox: The UnCanon Chronicles
by XxSanitariumxX
Summary: Life is full of precious moments even for the human exchange student Relics. You voted so here it is, the Un-Canon Chronicles of Relics' stay on Corneria full of romance, laughs, and bromance. Contains spoilers for Star Fox: Exchange Student.
1. Frisbee

"Yes, yes, YES!" Relics cried out in delight and tore into his brown four by four by four cardboard box. The canine and panther were on standby watching with a combination of puzzlement and curiosity. Relics' care package had finally arrived after rigorous screening tests, traveling halfway across the galaxy, disassembled and put back together.

When the box was no more than mere tatters on the ground, Relics' greedy hands dove into the pile of goods from home. In the box was a terabyte if music, movies, games, and news from back home, a dozen bars of chocolate, two bottles of his favorite body spray, a Frisbee, the latest video game system that Relics honestly didn't care about, and something he didn't ask for.

The human curiously inspected the data card that would plug into his modified wrist com. He wanted to find out what it was but he thought better of it and merely pocketed it. When he did he looked to his foster family.

"Sorry, let me clean up the mess." He said before Chloe could offer to. He threw the box's remains away and picked up his treasures but left the game station behind and a rounded plastic disk. The canine stared at the disk with a blank face. When Relics came back, he asked him about it.

"Um… Relics, what is that?"

The white haired human looked at the canine and shrugged. "That's a Frisbee, that other thing is a Playboxii, if you want to play- are you okay?" Relics asked when he picked up the Frisbee and Jason followed it like an earthen dog does a treat.

'_Dear diary… jackpot.'_ Relics thought maliciously but Chloe saw that look in his eyes. She gave him a serious face and Relics shrank.

"Do you want to go throw it around?" Relics asked to which Jason merely nodded sharply. Relics smiled and figured he could get a good thing going here. "Um… Chloe?" He said with difficulty since he would proffer to show her some respect by calling her Mrs. Mahoney. "Would it be alright if I invite a few people over?"

Chloe only had to think about it for a second. "Of course, it's so warm out today we can get a final barbeque in before it gets too cold. In fact, invite everyone over; we have a lot of meat in the freezer we need to use."

Relics' eyebrows raised in surprise. _'Everything went better than expected.'_

"Okay, let's go." Relics said and after a quick few calls he and Jason went outside into the large backyard with a beautiful garden and protective shrubbery. Little did Relics know but the shrubbery covered the electric fence that was installed prior to his move to the Mahoney residence.

He had Jason stand a few feet away while he explained the mechanics of the Frisbee. "Just take it like this, and throw like you would a shuriken."

"Yah, yah." Jason said as he bent his knees. He had no idea what a shuriken was, but he wanted that damn Frisbee, and he wanted it bad.

"Okay, here it comes." Relics said and gently tossed the Frisbee towards Jason but the canine snapped. Instead of merely catching the Frisbee, he tackled it to the ground while it was in midair. Relics heard some growling and gnawing sounds and he quickly ran to save his gift from home. "No! Stop it! LET GO!"

Jason growled at Relics but would not let go of the Frisbee he was trying to bite. Already Relics could see bite marks in his floating rotating gyro disk. Relics was about to flick him on the nose but then a cold blast of water splashed the two. Relics jumped back and Jason let go of the Frisbee, both soaked in cold water.

"None of that you two, keep it civil." Chloe purred and put down the garden hose.

The German Shepard rubbed the back of his head before shaking some of the water off. "Sorry about that Relics, I let my instincts get the better of me."

'_If we would have gotten you fixed, you'd be more manageable.'_

"It's no problem. You want to try again, maybe this time with a little less biting?"

"All I can do is promise." Jason chuckled and licked his chops as Relics got ready to throw that tasty looking disk.

~X~X~X~X~X~

'_I… am… GOD!'_ Relics decreed to himself as he held the Frisbee out to show Fox, Bill, Jason and James. Practically everyone Relics called showed up, the McClouds, Miyu, Fara, Bill, Slippy, the Tress family, and even Tracy from school showed up. The only person who didn't show was Falco, but he had a doctor's appointment which Slippy said was to check on his explosive diarrhea.

"What is that?" Bill asked, his eyes wide and puppy like just like everyone else.

"It's a Frisbee." Jason replied.

"What's it do?"

"It flies."

"How?"

"GET IT!" Jason shouted when Relics threw the Frisbee and Fox, Bill, Jason, and James ran after the disk. Jason dove for it but missed while the other three tore after it and started scrambling for it.

"Wow, I haven't seen him run that fast in years." Mrs. McCloud giggled as her husband sprinted faster than Bill and Fox to catch the Frisbee. "Thanks so much for inviting us, Relics."

"No problem Mrs. McCloud." Relics said with a smirk as he couldn't help but remember just how much she hated him when they first met.

'_No woman can resist my charms… speaking of which.'_ Relics thought when he saw that Chloe had finally managed to pry Xavier and Angie away from their daughter Lana. Mrs. McCloud also noticed this and said she was going to go join the game of Frisbee, leaving Relics to make his move.

The human strolled over to the porch and up to the minx. He gave her a smile and she giggled.

"What?" She purred.

"Oh nothing, how you doing beautiful?" Relics said and couldn't help but laugh as the minx giggled even more and her tail whisked around playfully.

"Stop it you, you're making me blush, handsome!" She laughed, her nose twitching as the scent of cooking meat tantalized her predator nose. "Ooh, smells like the burgers are done!"

"Come on, let's go get some." Relics said and led the gorgeous hybrid to the grill and handed her a plate. "My lady."

"Thank you good sir." She purred as she leaned up close and let her fur rub up against him.

'_Oh my God, that tank top and running shorts are so hot on her. What I wouldn't give to get her upstairs and on my bed.'_

The young man picked up the spatula and put a nice juicy burger on her bun.

"That's a lot of meat; I love big _hunks_ of meat." Lana said with a straight face but they both couldn't help but crack up laughing.

"Hey pumpkin, what's so funny?" Lana's dad Xavier asked as he came over with the sole intent to be the third wheel's wet blanket.

'_The size of your dick you cock-blocking old man!'_

"Oh nothing daddy, Relics and I were just talking." Lana said with a few small laughs popping up.

"Oh? About what?" Angie asked as she walked up next to her husband.

'_Which position would be best to nail your daughter.'_

"Mainly everyone's antics with the Frisbee." Lana lied as her silver tongue worked its charms over her parents.

'_My God she looks a lot like her parents. She's got the panther facial structure but her father's muzzle and eyes. Lana's eyes are scary on her dad though.'_

"Indeed." Xavier grunted as he saw Chloe run around with the Frisbee in her hands, taunting the boys with it. "So, Mr. McCloud… how has… school been then?"

"Very good Mr. Tress, thanks to your charming daughter I've been able to keep up despite the gastronomical differences in both language and methods of teaching." Relics said with a slight hint of smug like that of a blue blood.

The vulpine forced a smile as Lana giggled behind her hand. "So nice to hear. Darling, didn't you want to show Lana something out at the car?"

"Yes I did, come along Fara." Angie said and whisked Lana away.

'_Dat… ass!'_ Relics thought as Lana purposefully swayed her body left and right as she knew Relics would be watching.

"Well then Mr. McCloud, I do hope that things have been going well for you and that you haven't broken our little agreement." The brown fox said skipping the small talk altogether.

'_Trust me, when I break our "agreement," your daughter won't be able to walk straight for a week and she'll thank me for it!'_

"No sir, her friendship is too important to me to risk that." Relics replied. "Burger?"

"I ate before I came." Xavier said shaking his head. "Well, have a good day."

"You too sir." Relics said as the vulpine turned on his heel and left.

'_She might call you daddy now but she'll call me daddy one of these days.'_

The outdoor part went on for another two hours before people started to head home. Overall it was a success if you didn't count the fact that Lana's parents kept her away from a certain human the entire time. Still though, he got a quick hug before she left despite her parents' disfavor and that would do for now.

_**~X~X~X~X~X~X~**_

_**AUTHOR'S NOTES~~~ Alright, so that was the first chapter of the un-canon chronicles. The series is going to be a bunch of shorts of interesting life experiences on Corneria that didn't quite make it into the canon. I've got a few shorts already worked up; in fact this one was made like six months ago. Anyways I hoped you enjoyed and tell me what you thought. Oh yeah, thanks to everyone that voted on the polls.**_


	2. Chocolate

'_Bored… so bored.'_ Relics moaned in his head as he glared up at the clock. He had stopped listening to the lecture long ago, mainly because he already knew everything he was talking about. He learned all about the theory of quantum physics last year but it was news to everyone else who were all scribbling down notes furiously so not to fail this class.

For the human, time scraped by as slowly as a knee does against concrete until finally the bell rang and he was out the door with a puff of smoke trailing him. He was almost running down the hallways but had to slow down when people started to crowd into the halls. Despite his slowed speed, he was still closing the gap between him and his prey.

A devious look spread across his face in a sly smile. He saw his target walking down the halls, not having noticed him. His teeth flashed in a sinister grin as he got closer and closer. Just before he got ready to pounce, she turned around.

"Oh, hi Lana." Relics said sheepishly as the minx gave him a very bored look. "I was hoping I would catch up with you before your next class."

"Right." She said as her bored look intensified. "You _weren't_ attempting to jump me just now."

'_God damn her minx telepathy!'_ Relics cursed as he tried to keep a straight face.

"What? No… no way! I wouldn't… do that." He said trailing off as Lana shook her head.

"You're a bad liar, Relics." She said a small triumphant smile lengthened across her sweet lips.

"I know." Relics admitted. "But you being psychic doesn't help much."

"I'm _not_ psychic." Lana stressed as she stuck out her tongue at him. "You're just easy to read."

'I'm_ also easy in general… hint, hint!'_

"So what's up?" Lana asked as she put the whole thing behind her.

"Always to the point?" Relics asked and leaned against the lockers. "Cause I was kind of thinking that maybe we could just sort of, hang out."

Once again, Lana rolled her eyes.

"We can't just hang out!" She growled playfully and gently pushed him on the shoulder. "We both have class to get to."

"I don't. I'm not mandated to have a perfect attendance record like some square that I know." Relics said very foppishly.

Lana's ears furled back and her muzzle dropped.

"Ah- hey!" The minx growled and attempted to bat him on the head but the human slid down the lockers quickly to avoid it. Not wanting to draw anymore attention, Lana refrained from taking another shot at him. "You know, one of these days being cute won't keep me from beating you up."

"Tough girl, but I'm afraid you're more meow than bite." Relics sneered from his lowered stance. "Ah, ah, ah. Before you hit me, isn't your teacher out sick today?"

"Yes… I'm going to hit you now." Lana said but hesitated when Relics smirked.

"Let's go than."

The minx blinked in surprise. "W-What?"

"I don't feel like conforming to the man today. Let's go to your class today." Relics said causing the minx's eyes to shoot wide open.

"W-What?!" Lana mewed as the human started leading her down the way she was going. "Wait, you don't want to do that!"

'_Why not? What are you hiding I wonder?'_

"Why? Are you actually in a special classroom?" Relics sniggered.

Lana bit her lips and ground her teeth together. "Oh, I am about to hit you _so_ hard."

"Nonsense, you'd never forgive yourself. You'd never get my super awesome treat I have for you all the way from a tiny city on Earth called Pennsylvania… or Milton I can't remember."

Normally that would have been the breaking point and Lana would have thrown him to the ground in a wrestling match to the death until he gave up. However, her empty stomach, courtesy of a missed breakfast, began to gnaw at her.

"A treat? Like dog treats?" Lana asked and began to sniff him for any signs of food.

"Stop that!" Relics laughed as her nose began to tickle his neck with its cold quick sniffs. "And no, it's something much better, a finer delicacy than those dry tasteless snacks."

Lana's tail whished excitedly. "Ooh, I can't wait! Can I have it now? Please?" Lana asked as they walked into her classroom.

"Hang on a sec! Just let me pull it out first." Relics said as he reached into his pocket and the class started laughing. "What?"

"Nothing, nothing. Let's just sit down somewhere." Lana sighed, blushing furiously and shuffled Relics to the back of the room while Relics made small talk with almost everyone he walked by. "If you're going to play hooky, you might as well not get me in trouble too."

"Okay, okay. I'll be a good boy." Relics assured.

The school bell rang signaling the start of class. The substitute walked in, introduced himself, and handed out the assigned worksheet for the day that no one ever did. Instead, everyone just hung out talking, mostly about the human that had made his way into the class.

"Do you think he's lost?"

"Of course he's not lost! He's with that Lana girl."

"God! It just isn't fair. I wish I was rich and pretty."

"Come on Samantha, you're pretty. You don't need a human either!"

"But they're so adorable! They have such cute round eyes."

'_Oh… my… GAWD! Why do both human _and_ Cornerian girls insist on prattling on, and on, and on, and ON!?'_ Relics thought to himself while imagining taping their muzzle's shut.

"So what's this back of the short bus assignment you got here?" Relics asked as he looked over the Cornerian text that made no more sense to him than a bunch of scribbly lines.

"Advanced quantum physics." Lana scowled as she glared at the incredibly difficult question before her, which was also the first.

"Oh really?" Relics said very sarcastically as he was in the mood of playful banter they had been exchanging all morning. Without Bill or Falco around, it was easy for them to talk without whatever they said, no matter how innocent and singular in meaning, was turned into a that's what she said joke. "Well you're in luck, I know a little on this subject as a matter of fact."

Lana shook her head. "Alright than, let's see you solve this problem!" She snapped, having lost all her patience in being unable to solve the first question because of a certain human playing with her buttons and somehow being more cute than annoying, however slightly.

Relics adjusted his wrist com's projection screen to translate mode so he could look see the problem in human text and figures.

"Alright, let's see what we've got… here…" He said as his smugness came to bite him in the ass with razor sharp teeth. "What the Hell?" He mouthed silently.

Suddenly the minx's mood took a big turn for the better as Relics' head tilted left and right and a look of confusion replaced that look that practically said he loved the smell of his own farts.

"So." She purred and relished in the look of defeat he was making. "Not so… how did you put it, back of the short bus… is it?"

"No, Lana." Relics admitted. "This is more like the pavement of the road thirty feet ahead of the short bus because you weren't wearing your seatbelt when the drunken driver slammed on the brakes. How- that's not even! What the is this? This is certainly not my language!" He said pointing at an equation that was making his brain hurt more than a malignant tumor.

The minx's muzzle curled into the most smug of smirks. "That's my name in Cornerian."

Turning red with embarrassment, Relics tried to play it off. "My wrist com is probably malfunctioning again. I'll have to get a new one later."

"Of course you will." Lana giggled just before another hunger pang hit her and her stomach growled menacingly making the human flinch. "Now about that treat."

"What treat?" Relics shrugged.

"That treat that you promised me you jerk!" Lana snapped rather loudly, attracting the attention of the room including the substitute.

"Mr. McCloud, did you bring enough treats for the whole class?" The kangaroo asked.

"Only enough for the girls, ma'am." Relics replied.

"Well that's good, seeing as how this is a girls only class." Lana remarked making the human shrivel up in his desk.

'_Oh God, why?'_ Relics thought as he suddenly realized that he was in fact the only guy in the classroom. Sighing to himself the human stood up and reached into his pocket, making most everyone giggle while the others pulled out their phones. _'Grow up, all of you!'_

"So I got a care package from home, in it was some stuff called chocolate. It's a delicacy back on Earth, if you want some you can have some." Relics said before an unruly mob erupted in the room to get a piece of the chocolate bar in Relics' hand. It took a while but he managed to get an orderly line formed out of them and one by one they received their treat.

Everyone went back to their desks but no one dared to eat the chocolate just yet. They were all pawing it in their hands, sniffing and inspecting it all the while it slowly melted in their paws. All eyes turned to Relics who handed Lana a piece.

"Thank you, Relics." She said and like everyone else, eyed the candy suspiciously. The gentle hybrid didn't want to disappoint him or hurt his feelings. She held her breath and placed the chocolate on her tongue and began to chew. Suddenly her ears, tail, and fur all shot up at once. Her breathing became rapid and her tongue swirled around ferociously in her mouth, trying to take in every ounce of God like flavor that now entranced her. Her purring became so loud that everyone ate it all at once, making them all erupt in a torrent of flavor and pleasure.

'_Haven't heard this much moaning since… never mind.'_ Relics thought and sat back in his chair to hide the hormonal effects of hearing so many woman moan in pleasure.

"That _so_ good!" Lana groaned as se begrudgingly swallowed the chocolate. Her pupils were enlarged making her appear even more feline and sneaky. "Hey."

"Hey?" Relics asked as his eyes shifted to her suspiciously.

"You got any more of that chocolate?" Lana purred as she tickled his arm with her finger. All the little hairs on his arm raised and his skin flared up in goose bumps.

"Sorry, I only brought one bar." Relics shrugged. "Hey, hey what are you doing?" He asked as Lana started sort of crawling on top of him, purring and meowing slyly.

"Come on!" She purred and started nuzzling him by the neck. "I just wanna liddle."

"Lana, please!" Relics gasped when Lana found her in his lap with her arms wrapped around his neck. "People are… watching."

It was something out of a horny teenager's fantasy. Every single woman in the classroom had shifted over towards him and had big sparkling eyes. Their tails were all whisking about, their feathers were ruffled happily, and their motors were all purring. It also wasn't just Lana getting physical with him, some of the closer girls started to glide their fingers on his skin.

'_What's going on? Why are they all touching me?!'_ Relics wondered but wasn't exactly against a twenty-nine-some, especially not when he was getting hotter and hotter the more Lana grinded her butt against his waist like she was riding him. It only got worse when she began to pant in sequence with her grinding.

"Okay look everyone. Obviously the chocolate's small amount of aphrodisiacs have a much bigger effect on Cornerians so-" Relics began but was cut off when Lana grabbed his hair and held him still while she ran her tongue up across his cheek.

"I want you. Oh God I fucking want you." Lana whined and began literally dry humping him as a massive hunger to slam the human on the floor and ride him for all he was worth. She wanted it hard, she wanted it rough, she wanted more chocolate.

'_Her tongue, oh my God her tongue! That was the fastest I've ever gotten a hard on before. More, more, MOAR!' _Relics mentally begged just before he got his wish, this time a gentle, but dominating bite on the neck.

It was then that the flood of horny school girls and not too old substitute teacher moved in on the human, each one attempting at least touch him. Lana let out an aggressive hiss making them shy away but then fall under her lead as pack alpha, and as the alpha, she would have the first helping of the prey. All the girls shied away until they got the signal that they could join, but the wait was brutal.

"Kiss me." Lana ordered as she rocked on the human.

"Lana wait a second- Wama!" Relics said but was muffled by Lana's shirt and cleavage.

"That wasn't a request." Lana barked as she ran her fingers and claws through his hair. "You will take me now, than the rest of the pack, than me again, and then me again!"

Relics' jaw dropped as he gapped at the once sweet, gentle, and innocent minx. She was so serious that he could see this going down if he wanted to or not. There was nothing he could do to get out of this but then he realized, why would he want to? This was something he'd never get another chance at, in fact, possibly no other person would. There were twenty-eight reasonably attractive to incredibly hot women craving him and his manhood, to say no would be like giving up on life.

"Okay." Relics whimpered and was pushed to the ground. He waited for Lana to attack him but she stood over him, examining her prey with arrogant eyes.

"You know what?" She asked and looked around at her new pack. "Girls, why don't you join me?"

'_Oh my God! OH MY GOD!'_ Relics began to squeal in his mind like a thirteen year old girl as everyone started taking their clothes off and surrounding him. He closed his eyes and submitted to the will of the people, but then the door opened.

"I've got a big package here for a Mrs. Evans." A very pitched and extremely annoying voice said causing all eyes but the blissful human's to the source. It was Slippy and he was holding the box near his pelvis with a dorky looking grin on his face.

Seeing the bulbous, highly unattractive amphibian seemed to break the spell and with it, everyone's short term memory. All at once all the clothes that were starting to come off went straight back on, and order was restored. Relics continued to lie on his back, ready to be fucked by more women than he could dream of managing, until Lana kicked his shoe to get his attention.

"What are you doing? Get off the floor! It's dirty." She nagged. "Just what are you doing there anyway?"

"Wait what? What do you mean?" Relics asked as the terrible sinking sensation of complete despair destroyed him. "You were all going… my boys… ow… so blue!"

"Mrs. Evans isn't here today, you'll have to take that back until-"

"**Slippy.**" Relics grunted as he stood up and every fiber in his being demanded blood when he saw the frog.

"Relics?" He was barely able to whisper as the human stomped over to him with a look that could kill.

"**I swear from this day forward that I will have my revengence upon. I do not know if it is the horrific pain in my loins or the agonizing pain of not being able to submit my story to the penthouse forum and not be a liar, but everything that has just happened is your fault. You have five seconds to get out of my sight before I flay off all your skin and make you into a pair of slippery pajamas, and then set those pajamas ON FIRE!**" Relics said in the deepest, most terrifying voice the frog had ever heard giving him all the motivation he needed to take off running.

"**Five, four, three… two… one. NOT FAST ENOUGH FROG!**" Relics yelled at the top of his lungs and took off running after the amphibian.

Lana just sat at her desk refraining from looking anyone in the eyes.

"Boys." She grunted sourly.

* * *

_**AUTHOR'S NOTES~~~ Okay everyone just needed to clarify a few things, chapter one and chapter two take place before the beach scene but after the car accident scene. None of this is canon so it will never be mentioned in the actual story. I would also like to thank you all for being so patient with me and not berating me like you used to. I could lie and say I was busy, but to be honest, I just haven't been in the writing mood. I seem to have written myself in a very tangled situation in ES, and I want it to come out perfect and not ruin it. Things are about to go down in ES, the final climax is approaching and a shit storm along with it. **_

_**Quick question, what would you all think of if I did another story that takes place in the ES universe through the eyes of a soldier. It wouldn't be as long as ES, more like 8-9 chapters but it would better show what was going on in the human side of things while Relics is in the Lylat. Eventually the main character from both stories would meet I'm thinking. If you have an opinion on this you'd like to share, go to my profile and vote on it, please and thank you, every vote is appreciated no matter the answer.**_


	3. Sick as a Dog

_**This chapter takes place before the breakup of Lana and Relics.**_

"ACHOO!" Relics cried out at the top of his lungs as his body was wracked with yet another sneeze. He had absolutely no idea where they were coming from as his nose wasn't being tickled by some random pollen or dander or anything. Strangely though, he felt a little soreness in the back of his throat, something he had never experienced before.

"Good health, Relics." Fara beamed and went back to her test.

"Thanks, Fara." Relics said and wiped his nose on a tissue Mr. Mackenzie handed him.

"Do you feel alright, Mr. McCloud?" The old gray weasel asked.

"Just fine sir, probably just my allergies again." Relics assured and cleared his throat before going back to his test.

'_Wish this sudden headache I'm getting would go away though.'_ Relics griped and rubbed his sore temples. _'Just gotta add the y… to the x that is squared by half the alphabet… and then… oh fuck this HEADACHE!'_

The human suddenly put his head down, blocking out all light with his arms which started to help his headache but didn't get rid of it like he was hoping. It began to dawn on him that perhaps that he was getting sick but he shook it off. His blood and body was coursing with tiny little micro robots that eliminated bad bacteria and viruses. These were given to him so that he didn't get sick and die from any alien diseases.

Miyu rolled her eyes and put her pencil down. This test was so freaking hard that she was ready to stab Mr. Mackenzie in the eye for subjugating her to it. Before she could however, she noticed the human with his head down on his desk. Her ears swiveled towards him and she heard him quietly groaning to himself.

She scooted a little closer to him and nudged him. "Hey, you feeling okay?"

Relics lifted up his head, his eyes were drooping, his nose stuffed up and red, and he was moaning which only made him look more like a zombie. Miyu did a frightened double take, her fur stood on end and she nearly started bashing him over the head but then he spoke.

"I'm feelin… kinda crappy actually." He admitted and let out a small cough.

The whole room gasped from the small cough.

"He's infected!"

"He's gonna kill us all!"

"What unknown horrors is he sick with!?"

'_I hate all of you.'_ Relics thought as his head throbbed painfully with every one of their screams and shouts.

Miyu turned back to the class and hissed at them to shut up, then she looked to the weasel who was behind his chair and desk, ready to run out the room at a moment's notice.

"Mr. Mackenzie, I'm going to take Relics to the nurse's office real quick." She said as she stood up from her desk and started helping the human up.

"I don't want to go the nurse… to the nurse's… no." Relics groaned as his head began to swim in pain and stuffiness. To put it into words, he felt like absolute shit.

The next few minutes were a nauseas blur as he was led to the nurse's office in Miyu's arms. It didn't take long for the nurse to diagnose him as too sick to be in school and so Jason came to pick him up.

"Thanks for looking after him, Miyu." Jason said to the lynx as he carried the human out of the school in his arms. "Say thank you, Relics."

"Hank you, Mew." Relics said as his tongue lolled around outside his mouth. "You're a pretty kitty!"

"Thank you, Relics." Miyu chuckled as she rolled her eyes. "You get better now; the rest of us will be over later to check up on you."

"Okay. Have Lana and Fara dress up in a bikini… that'll fix me right up." Relics mumbled from inside the car after Jason buckled him into the backseat.

"He looks really bad, are you sure he's going to be okay?" Miyu asked the canine.

Jason shrugged. "Don't know, a doctor and _real_ nurse are on the way to my place and if it's bad enough we're taking him to the hospital. I don't get it though, he's got antibody Nano-bots… guess human engineering isn't as great as we think."

Miyu looked back to her friend in the car, wishing there was more she could do for him but she couldn't miss another day of class or she'd get suspended (which makes total sense).

"It's okay if we all come over later, right?" Miyu asked hoping she didn't just lie to Relics now.

"Yeah, I'll tell Chloe and she'll put on some tea or something. It's not like we're going to be doing anything now anyways. Was this close to finishing when I got the call." The canine said holding his index finger and thumb on his left paw an inch apart.

Just before she could ask him what he was about to finish, she stopped and realized. "Sorry to hear that."

"Sorry to have said that out loud just now." Jason said awkwardly. "But seriously, if you want, bring the whole party."

"I've got some home remedies we can try out." Miyu suggested hoping to further change the subject.

"Whatever you think will work." Jason shrugged.

~X~X~X~X~X~X~

The next time Relics woke up he found that he was in his bed back at his home. He opened his eyes begrudgingly, wishing that he didn't feel so bad. His feelings were worsened when he realized that everyone he knew and cared about was surrounding him around his bed. He looked around at all their faces and started pulling the blanket up over his head.

"Aw that's sweet, he's trying to hide." Bill cooed and pulled Relics' blanket back down. "Come on buddy, we've been hanging out for about an hour now. My mom's Swallow Me All broth is going cold!"

'_Groooooosssss…'_ Relics thought and rolled over on his side when suddenly he felt something press up against his back.

"Bill?" Relics mewed rather catlike.

"Just let it happen." Bill sniggered. "It'll be over shortly."

'_I DON'T WANT TO BE A PRISON BITCH! I DON'T WANT TO BE A PRISON BITCH!'_

"No. No!" Relics groaned and started to squirm and try to escape the canine's grasp.

"Darn it, Bill!" Miyu hissed.

"You're upsetting the boy!" Falco laughed.

'_Don't call me boy!'_

"Calm down, Relics, we wouldn't let Bill molest you in your weakened state. It's just me Fara; I'm transferring my healing energies from my body to yours." The vixen cooed as she hugged the human tighter. Strangely though it did not make him feel better knowing it was Fara and not Bill, even if she was trying to transfer energies or whatever. "Can you feel me? Giving you my energy and will to get better?"

"If… if I say yes will you get off of me?" Relics asked through a clogged nose.

"No." Fara said with a smirk and nuzzled up to him closer. "I have to do this every hour on the hour so you get better."

"I just want to sleep." Relics whispered because his sore throat felt like he was gargling sand made of glass.

"You've been sleeping for a good seven hours! We all brought over some home remedies." Bill said moving the soup in his hands closer and closer to the human's face until Fox stopped him.

"Come on guys, we should leave him alone. He's obviously needs more rest."

Coming from the alpha, everyone thought it was best to leave him alone, except for the vixen still holding on to him like a furry jet pack.

"Can I stay? I haven't transferred all the healing juices." Fara whined.

'_Ew… Ewww… EWWWW!'_ Relics thought as he graphically imagined Fara holding him down and drooling into his mouth for some odd reason. _'What the fuck, brain?'_

Fox's muzzle fell and he looked at the fennec but then he saw her pouty face that was impossible to resist, especially when her large ears were drooped like they were now.

"Fine, whatever." He said shaking his head, trying not to laugh at what she said.

"Yay." Fara said and snuggled up closer to Relics, firmly pressing her whole body against his.

The human tried once more to wriggle away but Fara's grip was too strong. She told him to relax and began to hum surprisingly soothing songs to him. As awkward as it was having the vixen spoon him and hum songs to him, Relics slowly began to accept it, but he prayed Lana wouldn't walk in and take this the wrong way. He wouldn't blame her if she would though, he knew how he'd react if he saw Lana being spooned by some other guy. Even if they weren't a couple or anything, he felt very jealous and angry just at the idea of another man so much as holding her hand. He often saw guys try to hit on her and she turned them all down, but it still made his ears turn red.

'_I gotta make this less awkward somehow, if that's even possible with her slowly making me her bitch.'_

"Hey, Fara? Where's Lana?" Relics asked and started to cough some more.

The fennec vixen stopped her beautiful humming before saying. "She's at an important track meet that she had to go to or get kicked off the team, sweetie. She asked me to tell you she hopes you get better soon and she will be here the second she gets done. Before I left, she asked me to take care of you which is why I'm here performing Karma Sutra-"

"WHAT?!" Relics yelped and got out of bed faster than he would if it was on fire.

Fara sat up and her ears swiveled forward. "Relics? What's wrong?"

"Listen, Fara." Relics said with a very stuffed nose. "I really like you, you're a real good friend of mine, but I just… I don't want to- I mean, you're a real nice girl and all…" Relics prattled on as Fara tilted her head to the side confusedly. "You see, I like you but, I don't want to betray- err…"

"Relics, you're confusing the crap out of me." Fara giggled. "Just come back to bed, I haven't given you all my juices yet. What?" She laughed when Relics cringed and shivered.

"Fara, I don't wanna have sex with you!" Relics blurted out.

An awful silence befell onto the room. Lana just stared at him with blank eyes and a hanging muzzle while Relics felt worse and worse for saying it. Fara was a nice girl, a real nice girl, but he didn't want to betray Lana's trust, even though there wasn't any reason for it. They weren't going out, they were just… friends.

"I'm sorry Fara, I don't think you're ugly or anything, you're very cute and pretty and-" Relics began, trying to undo the damage he did, that is until she began laughing.

"Oh Relics, you're so funny sometimes!" She giggled after a good two minutes of non-stop laughing and Relics standing around feeling smaller and smaller the more she laughed. "I'm not trying to have sex with you, stud. I really am trying to help you get better."

"Oh." Relics said feeling no bigger than a four year old kid.

'_Rejected by my back up squeeze. How humiliating.'_ Relics thought as small bursts of giggles riddled the vixen every now and then.

"Now come back to bed, you need more rest." Fara said patting on the bed beside her and then sneaked inside the covers. "Mm, you made it so warm in here." She said with a big smile on her face.

'_It was easy after thinking Bill was going to make me his bottom bitch and you pressing your hot body against me for the last ten minutes.'_ Relics thought sadly as got back into bed with the vixen.

He laid down and got comfortable on his right side before Fara once again snuggled right up against him and rested her cute little muzzle on his neck. At first Relics couldn't find anything sexual about it, but then she wrapped her arm around him and embraced him almost lovingly. Things only got worse for the human as Fara wrapped her bushy tail around her body and put it over his legs. Before he could say anything about it she began to hum again.

With her in bed next to him he began to feel really warm and that just made him even more tired. His eyes began to droop despite his seven hour nap and thanks to Lana's sweet humming he was out in just a few minutes. As he slept, Lana kept humming and laying by his side until she was just as tired as he was. She knew she should get up and leave but this was not a moment she was about to pass up.

"She's so lucky to have you chasing after her. You remind me a lot of… him." Fara whispered to herself as her hand took a mind of its own and took hold of Relics' hand, giving it a soft squeeze. "You're both strong and handsome, you put others before yourself, you both make me laugh with the slightest ease… but you're both out of my reach. He loves Miyu, and you love Lana, I can see it in your eyes every time you look at her."

The vixen's ears drooped and she sighed.

"The sad thing is… I liked you the moment I saw you. You were so different, so strange… so alluring. You were the only guy that took my mind off of Fox. At first I wasn't so sure but as we got to know each other, I thought that maybe I might have a chance with you… I couldn't have been more wrong. If I was only a little bit quicker to put my childish fears behind me, maybe I could have gotten to you before her. I missed my chance, just like I did with Fox." The vixen went on as a small tear fell from her eye. "I just want a guy as good as you, but all the good guys in the world are with my friends."

The vixen sighed and bit her bottom lip. "At least I have this moment, a moment with you all to myself." She said and leaned in to kiss him on the cheek.


End file.
